Answer frequently, once in a while, or never to the following:

1. You have trouble getting out of bed in the morning?

2. You want to sleep all the time.

3. You have been thinking of suicide.

4. Nothing seems interesting.

5. You are no longer attracted to your partner, and you don’t know why.

6. Little things upset you more than they should.

7. You can’t find a job doing what you want to do.

8. You keep getting into fights with friends and breaking off friendships.

9. You can’t make up your mind about important things.

10. You’ve had a series of accidents or minor illnesses.

11. You go on buying sprees, getting things you don’t need.

12. Your allergies are getting worse.

13. You can’t sleep at night.

14. You’re eating (drinking, smoking, fighting, etc.) more than is good for you.

15. You burst into tears without knowing why.

16. You are afraid to be alone.

17. You find it hard to make new friends.

You should strongly consider therapy if you answered “once in a while” for ten or more of the above, or “frequently” for three or more.

Adult Children of Alcoholics

Janet Geringer Woititz

ISBN 1-55874-112-7

Amazon link

Janet Woititz wrote her dissertation for her doctorate in the middle 1970s about “Self-Esteem in Children of Alcoholics”. She started the first 12-step program for those of any age who had grown up in a dysfunctional home. This group was called ACOA-Adult children of Alcoholics. The book about ACOA, Adult Children of Alcoholics, was first published in 1983 and sold only by mail order. Book stores only carried after the public demand was high. By 1987 the book was on the New York Times bestsellers list.

The basic principles about ACOA people are the following:

1) Adult children of alcoholics guess at what normal behavior is.

2) Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end.

3) Adult children of alcoholics lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.

4) Adult children of alcoholics judge themselves without mercy.

5) Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty having fun.

6) Adult children of alcoholics take themselves very seriously.

7) Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty with intimate relationships.

Adult children of alcoholics over-react to changes over which they have no control.

9) Adult children of alcoholics constantly seek approval and affirmation.

10) Adult children of alcoholics usually feel that they are different

from other people.

11) Adult children of alcoholics are super responsible or super

irresponsible.

12) Adult children of alcoholics are extremely loyal, even in the face

of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved.

13) Adult children of alcoholics are impulsive. They tend to lock

themselves into a course of action without giving serious

consideration to alternative behaviors or possible

consequences. This impulsivity leads to confusion,

self-loathing and loss of control over their environment.

In addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy

cleaning up the mess.

]]> http://changemakergroups.com/2009/02/adult-children-of-alcoholics/feed/ 1 http://changemakergroups.com/2009/02/how-you-can-use-twitter-to-get-information/ http://changemakergroups.com/2009/02/how-you-can-use-twitter-to-get-information/#comments Mon, 23 Feb 2009 07:30:43 +0000 admin http://changemakergroups.com/?p=386 Some of the ways Twitter has been used are included in Jacob Morgan’s blog are:

• we have seen people use twitter for fund raising
• doctors have used twitter to live tweet surgeries
• companies such a Dell has used twitter to make over a million dollars selling products
• twitter has been used as an excellent customer service tool, check out my Comcast example
• companies and individuals have been using twitter to recruit and find new jobs
• blog posts and stories have been written solely through twitter
• twitter has been used as a real time focus group and information platform
• companies like Best Buy are using twitter to allow users to locate product merchandise

What is Twitter?

About Twitter Search

What I’ve Learned About Twitter in the Last Couple Months

9 Ways Twitter Can Help in the Real World

How to Track Your Buzz or Brand on Twitter

Integrate Your Blog and Twitter

Twitip.com Twitter Tips for Beginners

Twitter Fan Wiki

Robert Scoble Using Twitter in China

Addiction is not difficult to understand. Accepting we or a loved one is an addict is difficult. The only reason that people use a substance or a position (power) or food is to change their feelings.

Often the addict has a large reserve of hurt moments or experiences which s/he uses to prove why her/his life is so tragic.

I know this because during my addiction to alcohol I had saved up every hurt feeling or experience and I remember consciously choosing which feelings to use where. This all gets tremendously labor-intensive if the same people are seen very often as new abuses have to be “used”. So the ever resourceful addict creates sad, bad, horrible experiences that never happened. I think this behavior could safely be called “crazy”.

This behavior is what mental health professionals use to “prove” the mental illness. The problem is no one has been able to prove the medical model of the disease theory. So, as far as I am concerned, the disease theory is a theory.

Instead, I believe, that when we are under the control of an addiction, we make increasingly bad and hurtful choices. Remember, the addict is living in his/her head in a world of their own creation. Pile those crazy choices on top of the fantasy in one’s head and the addict is miserable. The misery is self-inflicted and he/she is the only one who can choose to leave that miserable state.

I believe mental health to be fluid and we are each in and out of it several times a day. I know I am healthy when I know I am crazy because I didn’t used to know the difference. Today, I have the choice to abandon my crazy behavior.

Addiction is very prevelant in our world. Changemaker defines addiction as any behavior that is chosen to enable a person to live a fantasy. Addicts don’t live in reality. They live in a mental world of their own creation. What an addict uses to control his/her feelings and thoughts is not important. Rather it be alcohol, food, religion, other drugs, power, money, etc., the addict is using the addiction for only one reason–to change how they feel. It is said that there are a million excuses for using the addiction but only one reason. And that reason is to change how he/she feels. When someone is living in his/her head, reality rears its ugly head in feelings. So those feelings have to go away—this is what the addiction provides. It takes the feelings away.

We believe that many of us use something from time to time to change how we feel. The addict is the person who uses the addiction on a regular basis to avoid the reality of life around them. For example, alcoholics may be daily drinkers (3-4 days weekly) or weekend alcoholics (mainly drink on the weekends), or periodic alcoholics (drink for 2-3 days in a row but do the drinking at different periods of time–also may go long periods of time (even years)–without alcohol.).
Substance addicts are easy to spot. But many more people are addicted to power (codependency), money, material possessions (living in homes/having automobiles they can barely afford), work (they will say that they have to work because they need the money–often married to poor money managers), sex, etc.

Many people are addicted to feeling bad (the victim role). Remember how we feel is our choice. It is very hard for the martyr to give up that “poor me” behavior but until both people in a relationship are free to give and receive without guilt trips, the relationship is not a positive experience for either.

The disease model of addiction has helped add to the confusion about addiction. Addicts live in a self-induced delusion. The delusion is that the world revolves around them. In reality, the world doesn’t revolve around any individual.

As John Powell has written, we each need a Copernican moment when we realize the world doesn’t revolve around us. Remember Copernius went against all other thinkers to say that the Sun didn’t revolve around Earth, but that Earth revolved around the Sun.

In other words, some of the main issues in addiction treatment are maturity issues. The age at which a person started drinking, using, eating, buying, being overpowering to others, using sex, etc. is the emotional age he/she still is. If he/she started at age 15, which is pretty normal, then he/she is age 14 emotionally.

So recovery is generally about growing up. Another main issue of why people are addictive is to continue to live life in their head or in their imagination. No one knows reality–we only have a perception of reality. But living in our head is not being free and open to life.

As the hero in 10 Million Ways to Die says, “I never knew that I lived in a world that I hadn’t created.” That is why the addict experiences such anger at having to give up the addiction. It seems to the addict that his/her use can only be pertaining to him/her. In reality, the addiction is affecting everyone in the addict’s life.

Read more here.

“A virtual community, e-community or online community is a group of people that primarily interact via communication media such as newsletters, telephone, email, online social networks or instant messages rather than face to face, for social, professional, educational or other purposes. If the mechanism is a computer network, it is called an online community. Virtual and online communities have also become a supplemental form of communication between people who know each other primarily in real life. Many means are used in social software separately or in combination, including text-based chatrooms and forums that use voice, video text or avatars. Significant socio-technical change may have resulted from the proliferation of such Internet-based social networks.^“

There are hundreds and maybe thousands of online communities. In fact, a site I used to read years ago, The Well, is still alive and has been since 1985. For a glance at some of the virtual communities, Wikipedia has this list.

I have investigated many communities over the past year and have generally found them to be as wide-ranging as we are unique. One of my favorite bloggers, Seth Godin (who cofounded Squidoo), believes “what’s important is that it is now common, and will soon be expected that every….person will have a media platform where they share what they care about with the world.”

Many communities created by and for large companies can cost $1,000,000.00. Also I have found several blogs that evaluate how much online community managers make (generally from $60,000.=$100,000). Check out these sources: Connie Bensen and the online community report.

Why are companies investing this money? Because the old forms of getting and keeping customers isn’t working anymore. Customers no longer want to do business with companies whose only interest in them is how much money the company can make.

Twellow–Connect With People Who Matter (Twitter chats arranged by category)

A Tale of Two Twitter Services

Twitter Blog

Twittelator Pro (For IPhone)

TweetDeck (Enables users to split all Tweets into group specifc columns)

Social Too (Includes Twitter, Identical, Facebook and automates the processes)

TweetSuite (TweetThis Button code)

Twitterfeed (Feed your blog to twitter, identi.ca or ping.fm)

Make a Tweet Plan to Get the Most from Twitter

How to Track Hot Trends -With Twitter

TweetScan (A Way to search Twitter, identi.ca, and other Laconica-based sites)

Twitter Follow Back Tool (Check on all the people who are following you)

I have decided to use each of my 6 blogs to catalog relating links for the following main categories. Each post will be about a specific aspect of each of the following categories:

(1)  Changemaker: Reinventing Yourself— Link lists for spiritual/religion/spiritual practices

(2)  Answers By Email: Changemaker Personality Test—Link lists for finding your passion/career/work/employment

(3)  Changemaker Groups—Link lists for social networks/facebook/twitter/myspace

(4)  Changemaker Library—Link lists for social issues/causes

(5)  Healing for You–Link lists for lifestyle choices/voluntary simplicity/sustainable living/homeschooling

(6)  High Energy Goals—Link lists for health/wellness/fitness/food/diet/exercise

I am beginning this new adventure of being a blog indexer today, Jan. 19, 2009. I hope that my service may be an aid to your life online.

The United States and the world are experiencing a revolution in the Protestant faiths. In many countries, the change is labeled as emergent.

Although the experiences are slightly different at all the different denominations, one characteristic is true of all of them. They are organized around the small group. The groups meet in each other homes and are founded on the need we have for community and honesty. Too often in the organized religions, everything is done according to plan with little time given to the reality of each of our lives.

Of course, I have a particular belief that sharing and community in small groups has been greatly influenced by the leader of the 12 step groups—AA. Founded in 1938, AA has been such a phenomenon that it is estimated that there are close to 200 different types of 12 step groups.

Jesus and His disciplines used small groups to spread the Gospel. One organized church of today, Unitarian Universalist, has a well organized website devoted to topics, ideas, suggestions, for their small group ministry. The site has extensive resources for small groups with links for Christian and secular small groups. One of the links listed there are for cell churches.

The International Cell Church Conference for 2006 is in Johannesburg, South Africa. It also fills 8 stadiums simultaneously in San Salvador. One in four people in San Salvadore are members of the Elim Church which is now the 2^nd largest church in the world. The cell church online has a database for a cell church near you. It also has a lot of resources for ice-breakers for small groups, etc.

Cell is defined on this site as persons being in regular, intimate relationship with a small group of people. The group with this site has some worksheets available to measure spiritual growth. At Ginghamsburg, they state: “We understand that worship celebration on Saturday and Sunday is uplifting, a time to celebrate God, and an important growth but it will not bring about life transformation. It is in the cell community where life transformation occurs.”

They define a cell group as: “A small group made up of 2-12 people who come together to build relationships through encouragement, accountability, guidance, and prayer so that all members experience life transformation through Christ. Cell groups are not therapeutic support groups.” The site then lists support groups if someone is interested. It also teaches others how to start cell groups.

The secular resources for small groups from UU are (1) group dynamics: basic nature of groups and how they develop and (2) study circles.

Another source for small group topics is Building Church Leaders from Christianity Today. Some of the topics there are: reaching people, building a team, healthy small groups, knowing God, becoming outward-focused, growing small groups, unity in diversity, setting goals and measuring results.

The individual book excerpts are found on each of our other blogs. The schedule for each is:

(1) Answers by Email has creativity, core (basic), and health books under Books tag.

(2) Changemaker Groups has personal development books under Books tag.

(3) Changemaker Library has spiritual direction books under Books tag.

(4) Healing For You has meditation, peace of mind, and stress reduction books under Books tag.

(5) High Energy Life Plan has exercise and food books under Books tag.

For the Changemaker Library, we will be including the basic features of some books you may want to use. All of the books used are the choices of Changemaker without solicitation from any author or publisher. At the beginning of the post, we have listed the name of the book, the author, the ISBN number, and a link where you can order the book if you choose. The rest of the post includes actual content from that book for you to better be able to determine if this is a book for you.

I keep my special books together and use them frequently. I call them my textbooks as I seek direction time and time again from them. The Changemaker Library presently has 50+ books that we are recommending. This library can be acquired gradually either for your individual work or resources for the Changemaker Groups that you begin.

The Changemaker Library has ten separate topics. The topics are:

CORE BOOK TITLES

Complete Guide to Pilates, Yoga, Meditation Stress Relief

New Choices in Natural Healing for Women: Drug Free Remedies from the World of Alternative Medicine

The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook

Stress Control for Peace of Mind

CREATIVITY BOOK TITLES

The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity

Fingerpainting on the Moon: Writing and Creativity as a Path to Freedom

Prosperity Pie: How to Relax About Money and Everything Else

The Vein of Gold: A Journey to Your Creative Heart (Companion to The Artist’s Way)

EXERCISE BOOK TITLES

8 Minutes in the Morning

Complete Guide to Pilates, Yoga, Meditation Stress Relief

Escape Your Shape: How to Work Out Smarter, Not Harder

Essential Stretch: Gentle Movements for Stress Relief, Flexibility and Overall Well-Being

Move Your Body Tone Your Mood

Shape Walking: Six Easy Steps to Your Best Body

Workouts for Dummies

The World’s Fittest You: Harness the Power of Interval Training-and Get On the Road to Fitness in Just One Month

Yoga for Weight-Loss: The Effective 4-Week Slimming Plan for Body, Mind and Spirit

Yoga: Three in One: Three Complete Home Workout Programs

FOOD BOOK TITLES

Barbara Kraus’s Calories and Carbohydrates

Change One: The Breakthrough 12-Week Eating Plan

Your Perfect Weight: The Diet-Free Method Developed by the World’s Leading Health Magazine

HEALTH BOOK TITLES

The Holistic Herbal Directory: A Directory of Herbal Remedies for Everyday Health Problems

New Choices in Natural Healing for Women: Drug Free Remedies from the World of Alternative Medicine

You The Owner’s Manual: An Insider’s Guide to the Body That Will Make You Healthier and Younger.

The 7 Secrets of Slim People

MEDITATION BOOK TITLES

Complete Guide to Pilates, Yoga, Meditation, Stress Relief

The Meditation Year: A Seasonal Guide to Contemplation, Relaxation, and Visualization.

Taming the Tiger Within: Meditations on Transforming Difficult Emotions

Wherever You Go There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life.

PEACE OF MIND BOOK TITLES

Peaceful Mind: Using Mindfulness and Cognitive Psychology to Overcome Depression

Quiet Mind, Fearless Heart

Serenity in Motion: Inner Peace: Anytime, Anywhere

Taming the Tiger Within: Meditations on Transforming Difficult Emotions

Turning the Mind Into An Ally

PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT BOOK TITLES

The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich

Adult Children of Alcoholics

Coach Yourself to Success: 101 Tips From a Personal Coach for Reaching Your Goals at Work and in Life

Journal to the Self: Twenty-two Paths to Personal Growth

Keep Your Paycheck, Live Your Passion

The Little Book of Letting Go: A Revolutionary 30-day Program to

Cleanse Your Mind, Life Your Spirit and Replenish Your Soul

Love First: A New Approach to Intervention for Alcoholism and Drug Addiction

More Language of Letting Go

Naomi’s Breakthrough Guide: 20 Choices to Transform Your Life

More Language of Letting Go

SPIRITUAL DIRECTION BOOK TITLES

The 12 Steps for Adult Children

Barefoot on Holy Ground: Twelve Lessons In Spiritual Craftsmanship

Callings: Finding and Following An Authentic Life

The Gift of Change: Spiritual Guidance for Living Your Best Life

The Mystic Heart: Discovering a Universal Spirituality in the World’s Religions

Ordinary People as Monks and Mystics: Lifestyles for Self-Discovery

Quiet Mind, Fearless Heart: The Taoist Path Through Stress and Spirituality

Simplicity: Finding Peace By Uncluttering Your Life.

STRESS REDUCTION BOOK TITLES

Complete Guide to Pilates, Yoga, Meditation Stress Relief

Essential Stretch: Gentle Movements for Stress Relief, Flexibility and Overall Well-Being

The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook

Stand Like Mountain Flow Like Water

Stress Control for Peace of Mind

Stress: 63 Ways to Relieve Tension and Stay Healthy

In the self-discovery model of group healing, everyone in the group is a student. The sharing of power in relationships defines the health of the relationship. No hierarchy is needed when people enter groups to help each other. The leadership of the group can be shared by all on a rotation basis.

The group members in the self-discovery group must agree to follow guidelines that the group chooses. The main goal of the group should be short-term with the idea of splitting up to form new groups. Some people may choose to recycle–repeat the same group–before branching out to their own group. After 2-3 times recycling, the other group members may help with the formation of new group to a group member who needs more support.

The Mental Health Institute claims 20% of the population suffers from mental illness. These people generally can benefit from mental health counseling. In America, with all our wealth, many of these poor souls wander our streets as the homeless. They have no medical insurance so mental health care is a sometime thing. Since most of the population isn’t mentally ill, education groups can be a great source of comfort and growth for those not needing therapy.